“If you do, you’re never going to get anything done.” Roxane Gay gave that advice to a roomful of journalists and young writers at The Power of Narrative conference in Boston last week. Possibly you had to be there to fully appreciate the irony — in print, Roxane Gay is a sublimely confident writer. Her essays (“Bad Feminist”) are like little steep traps made of opinion and logic. Her memoir about weight and body image (“Hunger”) is ferociously honest. If you cross her on Twitter, she will eviscerate you. And yet, she told us, “I may project confidence, but actually I’m very insecure inside.”
Aren’t we all? I’ve been insecure for as long as I can remember. I worry before every interview that I don’t know enough. After every interview, I think I should have done better. This seems vaguely shameful — surely by now I should have acquired a bit more self-confidence, practiced leaning in and speaking out, adopted a few power poses, cleared the qualifiers out of my speech. Professional women are always being told to cultivate self-confidence. And yet — why? Do self-confident people perform better? Are they smarter? Wiser? More compassionate? More perceptive? This week, I’m grateful to Roxane Gay for the reminder that confidence is not a precondition for achievement or for excellence. Maybe it’s time we all gave ourselves a break.
—Anne