It’s the 5th anniversary of the start of the pandemic. For me, the past five years have been, to put in lightly, terrible.
My two then-high school children lost years of school and years of socialization. Watching them struggle was without a doubt the worst season of my entire life.
I’m an extrovert. The loss of others almost destroyed me. I missed high fives at the gym. I missed hanging out with my friends. I missed chatting with strangers at the bar. I’m the annoying guy who talks to you at the grocery store. I missed everyone. Others give me energy. There were no others.
Work became a drag. Doing a radio show in my basement sucked. It was dark and damp. The rest of the house had to be quiet while I worked. I desperately missed the camaraderie of my workmates (see above).
I am bi-polar and as the pandemic went on my mental health suffered. I was bouncing off the walls and the walls were bouncing off me.
I got COVID before the vaccine. I was very sick with a cough that scared me. Quarantining (in the basement) away from my family was hell.
The list goes on. And on. I was unmoored, and at times, desperate. And I didn’t even have someone close to me die from COVID.
When it dawned on me that the 5th anniversary was coming up my chest pounded, and my throat tightened. Like many of us I moved from COVID as quick as I could (“Hey COVID, don’t let the door hit you on your way out!”). But the thought of the anniversary was unsettling. I felt unmoored once again. That’s when I realized that I never really grieved, not properly, from what I lost during the pandemic. And that is clearly affecting me today.
So, I produced this hour of radio as a way to help me figure out what to do with all the loss. I thought maybe it could help you too.
I’m not looking for closure, but I do need some help with acceptance, I guess. We went through trauma, individually and collectively. I want it to mean something, you know?
– Charles