Our show airing this week, "Living with Loneliness," first aired back in April 2021, a solid year into the pandemic. It was still a slushy-almost-Spring here in Wisconsin. We had recently gotten a letter from our children’s school:
“I would like to thank you for your patience and continued partnership during our pause to in-person learning. We recognize this week has been difficult for many of our scholars, families, and staff.”
Man, we still had two teens in the house. Plus, my wife and I were working from home. The house was feeling smaller and smaller.
There were a lot of emotions in the house. A lot. And chaos. And fighting. And too much Netflix. And cakes baked. Did I mention we just got a puppy? But somehow, I felt alone. Not angry. Not stressed. Not sad. Alone. How could I be alone surrounded by so many people? So, I did what I have done many times in the past 20 years, I produced a show about it – spending weeks reading and exploring and thinking about this loneliness thing.
It helped, some.
Now 13 months later we are airing the loneliness show again. I don’t wear a mask in public anymore. The county I live in says I don’t have to. It seems, like me, everyone is pretending that COVID is over. But now I am confronted with a new and equally perplexing dilemma. I am afraid to see people. The stress I feel when a neighbor greets me — unmasked and eager to reconnect — is overwhelming. The kids are back in high school. My wife is back at work. Working in the house all day (with a puppy — now a dog — as my sole companion) I sit in my office afraid of others. Despite everything, still alone.
This has been a dark time for me. The lonely extrovert surrounded by those he loves has turned into a man struggling with the social anxiety of being afraid to not be alone. I have never considered loneliness before, but now I think about it all the time. I listened again to the show this morning and respected the ideas it grappled with. I heard the struggle of the guests and felt the connection of their voices in my ears.
It helped, some.
Maybe it will help you some too.
And maybe that’s enough.
–Charles