My book, Lithium Jesus: A Memoir of Mania, came out more than 5 years ago. But I still get invited to speak about it from time to time. My memoir is about my struggles and triumphs of living with bipolar. It is also a very raw and mature book. So, when a high school in rural Wisconsin asked me to address their students, I was surprised.
I wanted to know who I was going to be talking to, so I sent all the students a mental health survey a few days before I arrived. I got to know who they were, for sure. But a subset of answers to a few of my questions caught my eye. They were questions about crying.
When was the last time you cried?
47% of females cried in the last week.
81% of males answered, “I don’t know the last time I cried.”
When was the last time you held/hugged someone who was crying?
91% of females answered within the last month.
46% of males have never done so.
I have never cried in public or in private.
100% of females answered, “no.”
30% of males answered, “yes.”
At the end of my talk, I presented these answers to the kids who filled that high school auditorium. I challenged them to think about how society defines masculinity. I challenged them to consider that definition as a mental illness.
I produced this show, “Let’s Celebrate Crying” because crying is important. Every time I have a good old-fashioned cry now, I think about my brothers who don’t. I think about how many of the ills in our society could start to be healed if men would finally just show their emotions and let it out. But instead, they keep it in. They rage – misogyny and violence outward - substance abuse and an alarming suicide rate inward.
The detoxification of masculinity starts with tears. Beautiful celebratory tears.
–Charles